Ah yes, the memory of my first squirting experience (cue Barbara Streisand’s The Way We Were): ‘twas a balmy summer’s eve pre-COVID, a partner and I were laying in a lover’s embrace, whispering sweet nothings, girlishly giggling as small birds flitted about plaiting our hair together… truly a scene straight from a lesbian version of The Notebook.
Although none of the above actually happened, it was still a very memorable moment for me as someone avidly seeking to squirt my whole queer life. It was after many hours of playing together mixed with a correctly hooked finger against a G-Spot, a leg over a shoulder, some very solid upper body strength, and admirable stamina from my partner, when suddenly without fully realising it was happening - it was happening.
After I sent a quick text to my neighbour lowkey revelling in the news that I had just squirted for the first time, information I still think he’d rather not know about, I turned to my partner to unpack what had happened and how we could have it happen again. For me, this felt amazing. I was lucky to be with someone who found squirting hot, and neither of us felt any sense of embarrassment or shame. This is not always the case, and trust that it has taken me a lifetime to get to a place where sex, particularly queer sex, is something that is thrilling, and not carrying unwarranted shame.
Squirting, female ejaculation, gushing, or as the French call it Le Squizzlé*, is a deeply misunderstood and harshly judged phenomenon of many Vagina owners. Questions and unknowing surround squirting - what is it? Should I be embarrassed? How do you do it? Is it pee? Does it matter if it is? What do the French actually call squirting? Most importantly though, we need to understand that stigma around female ejaculation is such a yawn, and we need to kill off that taboo stat!
*It is probably important to note that Le Squizzlé is not what the French call squirting at all.
Dissing on squirting is cancelled
I know cancel culture has itself been cancelled, but for the sake of squirters everywhere I am officially uncancelling cancelling in order to cancel the squirting stigma… did you follow that? No? Point is that squirting is a cool thing that some bodies can do. Unfortunately though, as with so much sexual practice, embedded in the psyches of many people who squirt is shame, and although it may not be to everyone’s taste, squirting is natural to so many vulvas, and very often feels amazing.
It has been said before, and we will say it again - if it’s consensual (and within legal reason) - go forth and squiz. But if this is something you’re concerned about, seeking out someone to chat through sex and sexuality is always a positive move. On our website we have a directory of sex therapists and educators, and this could be a place to start if you’re wanting to work through your own sexual practice and desires. Remember - there’s no shame in the game of bettering our mental health and self pleasure!
So like, what is squirting even?
Squirting, or female ejaculation (although some professionals claim this to be a different thing in itself), is when a body becomes aroused, usually through internal vaginal stimulation, that leads to the body ‘ejaculating’ a liquid through the urethra. Some folks find it is a small amount, many may not even notice it to be any different from their usual vaginal wetness or lubrication, and sometimes it is… a lot more.
Am I just peeing on the bed/my partner/am I unknowingly into watersports?
Ok folks, so this is a much disputed area but ‘squirt’ is not completely pee, and it’s not not pee. It’s generally a combo of urea, uric acid, and creatinine, and is released from the Skene’s gland near the lower end of the urethra. Depending on hormones, how hydrated we are, when we last went to the bathroom etc will dictate how much urine can be found. But as many squirters will note, it doesn’t look or smell the same as pure urine.
Essentially the way the vulva/vaginal anatomy works is that when pressure is put on the G-spot, it can lead to squirting. This is because the G-spot, skene’s gland, and urethral sponge are all very close to one another. Because of this proximity it will often feel like you’re needing to pee, which will stop people from continuing with that sort of stimulation ‘cos unless you are into watersports (which is sick, power to you bad thangs) urinating in bed isn’t always what we want to do when we’ve got our nice sheets on and no mattress protector.
Does it feel good or is it just a hot mess?
We asked a couple of squizzlers to gush about their experiences... I’m sorry that was awful to write and surely awful to read. Let’s allow some other folks to take the floor for a minute.
The first time it happened was with myself using a toy (I bought Miss Bi from Max Black, and it happened first go) and I had no idea what had happened. Legitimately thought I'd pee'd so I like, awkwardly smelt it, nope not pee, so I googled it and had this like AH HA moment when I realised what had happened.
I guess the most memorable experience would be the first time I squirted. I would have been in my early twenties. I had no idea that I had until my then partner said something afterwards. The orgasm had felt the same but there was a large wet patch underneath me and my partner showed me that the squirt was all down her hand, wrist and forearm. We hadn’t even been sleeping together that long so I was initially bashful about it happening. She was a more experienced lover than me and encouraged me that it was a good thing and really hot and she hoped it happened again.
I honestly never noticed when it has happened. I was speaking to an ex a few years ago, and I said I wished I could squirt. He said “What are you talking about? You already squirt”. I realized that the wet patches on the sheets weren’t just our sweat or his semen. I reached out to a few other former partners to see if they had similar reports, and they were all equally as confused as my ex had been, and assumed that I had known I was doing it.
Getting to the point of squirting took a lot of exploration by myself and with partners. I’d been curious about squirting for a number of years before I did it myself. Sex positive queer porn was a godsend for seeing really affirming images of people squirting. When I discovered I could squirt in my early 20s, it was a very pleasant surprise after a long afternoon of masturbating and fingering myself (one of those summer days that just gets lost to snoozing and masturbating…). Usually I need a combination of penetration (fingers or my partner work best) and sustained clitoral stimulation (from my fingers, a vibrator, or my partner’s tongue).
How I get there? I think it has something to do with how many fingers my partner uses to penetrate me (generally when using 3 or more) and when she gets them hitting a certain area. I think it’s slightly behind my g-spot, that is, slightly deeper than that initial g-spot sensitivity. It also happens just before I think I’m going to have an orgasm and then continues through the orgasm. I think most times it’s been from fingers, multiple fingers, using a sort of upwards and forwards pulling movement. This pushes on the rear of the g spot which I think is key for me to reach squirting. But in saying this, it still doesn’t happen every time this is done during sex. It’s always a surprise.
I can make myself squirt through just fingers on the clit. With my ex, we did this through me fisting her and also stimulating the clit. I think it's a normal part of my body and I will give people a heads up before we get close. Clean up can be a bit awkward for me but surely you'd want to change the sheets after heavy sessions anyway! Some people get very fascinated by it and I understand this, but it’s not my favourite orgasm to have.
As we can see from our fearless responders, squirting is much like all types of sexual practice: some of us love it, some of us wouldn’t buy it a beer. For others it is an every session response, and for many it’s sporadic. Studies into sexuality and sexual response in vulva and vagina owners is sadly underwhelming, but stats suspect that all of these bodies have the right build to squirt, but believe anywhere between 10-50% of them will actually ejaculate. So do not feel like you’re an unsatisfying lover if squirting isn’t part of your play, and don’t be embarrassed or ashamed if it is.
If you do have an interest in teaching your body to get to a point of squizzoir, there are some ways of going about it that many believe make it more achievable. Some people need a partner to get there, some find they can do it alone. For many just fingers will do the trick, while a lot of people find the correctly shaped toy is a helpful addition to bringing on the water works.
An old partner of mine used to talk about being on the tools for work, and although they were a tradie and not at all talking about sex, it has always made me think of play, and every time I dig through my toy box I have a laugh about it - yes I have the humour of a 15 year old boy. So please, entertain me right now as I intro our next paragraph with:
Gettin’ on the tools!
Many folks don’t need toys, and we’re not here to push a purchase on you but hey, while you’re here, why the squiz-dizzle not right?
G-Spot exploration is going to be your friend for this kind of play. Not everyone says they need internal penetration, but a LOT do, and when we think of the anatomy and what our body is doing, it does make sense. Fingers are great for this, but in case I haven’t overshared enough, I’ve never found I can get my hand at the right angle to do this myself - so I use some silicone (and glass, and metal) pals to help.
What you’ll need to look for in a G-spot toy is a short shaft, something with a good curve and ‘head’ to it, and usually a firmer toy is better. Here are some options:
Amy by Svakom: A cheeky little lass, Amy is a very user friendly G-spot toy: nice range of vibrations, gentle but defined curve, exploratory angular head, and firm, but still with that silky silicone we all love. Essentially Amy is a great all-rounder, fab for G-spot and external play, really pretty - you know, the kind of gal you’d bring home for Christmas.
Nova by We-Vibe: For some folks clitoral stimulation is necessary for orgasm and squirting alike. A rabbit toy is an easy way of gaining internal and external stimulation without getting carpal tunnel. J’adore this toy specifically because it bends with the body externally, but has a strong and SUPER curved internal: pressure where you want it, flexibility where you don’t. MWAH!
The Njoy Pure Wand: Always wondered whether you could make a hole in your wall with a sex toy? The answer is YES, with the Njoy Pure Wand! Built like a brick sh** house, this stainless steel hunk is a big boy, but perfectly shaped to balance itself while in play and puts a lot of pressure directly on the G-Spot. If you have lesser mobility in your upper body or simply don’t like heavy toys, try a glass g-spot toy - same firmness but much, much lighter.
A couple of towels down on the bed is also a pretty good idea, but if you’re really concerned about mess and cleaning up the Liberator Throe is a waterproof blanket that is nice on the skin and tad sexier than the Bintang beach towel you got from a schoolies trip to Bali ten years ago.
So there you have it, the Max Black intro to squirting. Now go start chasing waterfalls, you crazy kids! God love ya.